They say there is a high divorce rate among couples after the death of a child. I've never actually seen those statistics, but I trust there's truth to it since I've heard that so often. And yet with the passing of Webb, Bill and I entered a marvelous place in our relationship I never even knew existed, and it would be impossible to explain. You know, we see the birth of a child as a miraculous creation in which God allows us to participate. To think about a human being born from our seed and our love, and then God breathes life into them and places them in our loving arms... I don't know... sometimes it's too much to contain. And then to have the disappointment of losing such a gift, while trusting the Lord in it all. Sometimes the Lord lets us prove our love for him in ways that almost seem cruel, and yet I know he's holy and good and I love him all the more.
A while back Sarah hesitated to ask me a question, but then apologetically went ahead with it. She asked me if I ever smell Webb. I can't tell you how many times I've smelled him as though he were right next to me. (Not that he smelled, as in bad, but just like we each have our own scent, you know?) And yes, I smell him and hear him and feel him constantly. (It reminds me of John Denver's Annie's Song: You Fill Up My Senses-- obviously just the first stanza, not the romantic part.) I know from the Bible that he's not here, but I suppose the power of love keeps the memory of love from being totally lost. I miss him constantly.
It just seems like with each trial we face -- from health scares, job loss, persecutions, miscarriages, to ultimately the passing of Webb -- it has taken us to an unimaginably higher place in our marriage.
What a great song.
I had to laugh when he said he couldn't do anything right! Been there.