Thank you all so much for the wonderful outpouring of support for our family! The notes, gifts, flowers, food, prayers, and unfeigned love have meant the world to us.
The funeral service went very well and we all held up. When I set out to give my eulogy, I lugged a family-sized box of tissue, my notes, and a water bottle up to the podium. I know I must have looked like a dopey donkey schlepping all my stuff, but as I looked over at Webb's body while Bill was speaking, I figured I better go prepared, and I'm glad I did! Once I got up there, and I could see Webb out of my peripheral vision, it occurred to me that he was finally wearing big boy underpants, paired with his eldest brother Will's tie. Instantly, my mouth went desert-dry and it would have been impossible to maneuver it without water. Unfortunately, there were no cups or straws (women should never drink from cans or bottles) so I had to swig off that Dasani like a hillbilly on a jug of moonshine. But I made it! I made it through to pay tribute to my delightful little boy- our beloved gift from God.
The younger children have amazed me with their effortless acceptance of the Lord's judgment concerning Webb. George swung his bent elbow over the side of the casket as if Webb were merely in a sandbox, and he might just crawl in with him to get in one last wrestle.
When I asked Richard if he wanted to touch Webb's body, he chirped, "I think I will take a little poke." And he gently poked Webb as brothers are wont to do.
I guess I expected them to be more distraught because, frankly, I've never known siblings as close as these children, and I'm not exaggerating or boasting because they're my kids. I can honestly say I have never witnessed a family with children who long for each others' company, or are as intimately involved in each others' lives. With Webb at the center of the family, being the weakest and neediest, and since they were all involved in his therapy and play and every little thing about him, you'd think the blow would have crushed them.
Perhaps the smooth adjustment has somewhat to do with being free from any guilt or regret mixed in with grief. They all know they served and loved Webb par excellence. They also know they lifted Webb in prayer constantly, trusting the Lord to help. We were devout in our prayers after Bible time in the morning, and he was also mentioned for this and that at most mealtime prayers.
And it's those prayers that lead me to the primary reason I have not beheld inconsolable devastation...
6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. 7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
I'm the only one who still cries daily, but that's not because I'm resisting the Lord's decision, it's simply because I'm a momma who misses her adorable, vulnerable, Tiny Tim. I miss smooching up those magnificent cheeks. I devoured him with rapid-fire machine gun kisses on those fab'uh'lous jowls each and every day, and now I just don't know what to do with myself.
Writing thank you notes has been wonderful because I get to rehearse for others our deep gratitude to the Lord for thirteen awesome years, and invite folks to come to the website to see the video Sarah Grace made with Webb last November. Even though Webb wasn't up to baseline after his bout with H1N1, that video shows his endearing personality, albeit slower than usual. The video doesn't make me cry. It makes me burst with pride, and floods my soul with happiness.
Again, thank you all so much for your loving benevolence. Our hearts have taken note, and we thank God for you.