Sunday, January 24, 2010

Sleep Tight -- posted by Momma 1/22/10 private journal

I had a horrific dream last night. Thankfully Spencer and James were still awake watching a Ben Stiller/Jack Black movie when I came out to the den, as I was totally unraveled and I needed them. They quickly cleared the laptops and junk off our extra long sofa and fetched me a blanket and pillow to bury my head by James' lap while he stroked my hair to comfort me as I unloaded my dreadful nightmare.

I'm going to try to describe this dream as best I can, but put it this way, after pouring my heart out to the Late Night Boys, I looked up and tears were streaming down James' face-- tears of HILARITY! I was unable to express how real it was. At least not to Spencer and James.

In my dream I was myself, but unredeemed. I knew my heart wasn't right, in terms of the Lord, but I wasn't particularly scared to die. It was strange because I was on my deathbed but I was fairly indifferent to my husband and children. I didn't hate them or anything but I wasn't like I'd be in real life. In real life I'd be pulling them up in the bed with me smooching them up and instructing them to love each other and serve the Lord. I'd comfort them with reminders that we'd be seeing each other soon in eternity and to endure this life through the short vapor that it is.

Anyway, in my dream I was just there with everybody around me. I wasn't interested in life or death. I was just there. Then, everybody left the room and I was in there all alone. Suddenly, I realized my spirit was leaving my body, but it was leaving in a downward direction. My heart was struck with terror, so I tried to scream out to my family in the other room but I was unable to make the words right. I hollered, "Bye! Bye, I love y'all! Bye, I love you all," but it came out in my mind as, "Eye! Eye, ah ah uh! Eye, ah ah uh ah!" It didn't matter because no one could hear me and no one came in the room. I didn't know if I had actually died already, and missed my chance for repentance because I had waited too late! I remembered my own words in real life that everyone in hell thought they had another day. And then I woke up.

That dream was so horrifying that James said I came in the room with the expression to match my hair standing on end in a crazed shock. Evidently I was unable to express the terror I felt because he went on a laughing jag as I tried to relate it. I watched the end of the movie with them to try to shake that feeling. Maybe James regretted his reaction to my story, at least in some way, because I woke up with him in the same position at my head as when I fell asleep. He never left me.

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