Dad, responding to a little boy's burp at the breakfast table: "We're not in China, Son."
George (non-offender): "What does burping have to do with China?"
Dad: "In that culture burping at the table isn't rude. (long pause) That's why they're communists, Son"
John, reminiscing while serving himself a slice of bacon: "The bacon at the hotel in Jacksonville was so chewy that I kept chewing and chewing and chewing. It was like trying to eat a dog's chew toy."
Mom: "Richard, you're so cute I could just eat you up!"
Richard, mumbling under his breath: "Eat me up? So.... when did you start up with that?"